Instead, say you noticed that he was upset. From there, your genuine concern will sometimes make a guy feel comfortable enough to come right out and say what’s bothering him. It’s probably not about you. If it is, you’ll probably make it worse by prying into the issue. If you want him to talk about it, give him a chance to cool down a while, and stay calm.
Talk about something he likes to talk about. If he’s watching a game, give him a chance to rant for a while about what’s going on. Show an interest in what he’s interested in to help put him at ease. Even if you’re not “having the talk,” you are. Don’t be pushy, but read the situation carefully. Some guys just need to be left alone for a few minutes to make the clear blue skies reappear, that’s perfectly normal. Others need to vent, and that’s also perfectly natural.
Pay attention to his body language, actual words, read the context you’re in, and tone. Sometimes, now is just not the time to talk, and silence is a great tool. When there’s silence, people feel like breaking the silence. Let him take his time, and let him steer the conversation.
Once he’s expressed the problem, don’t try to move on from it too fast. He’ll feel like you weren’t listening if you hop onto another subject. Acknowledge his words, genuinely, and let him know that you hear him. Feeling like someone is listening to you makes you feel validated, and also helps you reflect on your thoughts. Gloomy days can often be caused by chaotic thoughts, and putting your thought into words helps with organizing them.
If he asks specifically what you think he should do, voice your opinion if you have one. [7] X Expert Source Michael Dickerson, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 August 2021. If not, try to suggest someone else that might be a good person to talk to about the issue. Don’t mother him. If you try to paste over his gloom with excessive cheeriness, you’re likely to really turn off some guys. If you don’t want to be around it, then go out. Go elsewhere, and leave him alone for a while to stew. Come back when he’s more receptive to talking.
If your guy is just grumpy after work and is really tired and hungry, just let him sit and eat for a while before worrying too much about what to do. He’ll likely cheer up with a little unwinding time. More activities will likely make the problem worse. If something more serious is going on, or if your guy can’t seem to find his own way out of the rut, plan something yourself instead of waiting. Don’t ask “What do you feel like doing?” a million times until he gets irritated. Instead, just say, “I bought tickets to that movie. We’re grabbing pizza before hand. Let’s go. "
Plan something for him, if possible. Don’t tell his friends the nitty gritty of what’s exactly is happening to him. Say something vague like “John seems a little down. Want to come over for the game this Sunday?”
Do some kind of chore you need to do together. Head to the store to pick up a few things and ask if he can come along to help. Don’t require it, just ask. Find a good reason for him to come, like that you need help picking something out. Get his mind busy. Try little things, like going for a walk, or getting ice-cream. Even just seeing if there’s anything fun on TV can be some kind of distraction. Cue up a dumb meme or puppy vid from the Internet, if necessary.
Warm touches to the upper back, and arm, are automatic charmers. It’ll help ease the tension, and trigger endorphins to release, which ultimately will put him more at ease. If you’re a couple and want to do more? Up to you. [13] X Research source As grumpy as some men are on the outside, they want to be comforted and tended to, both emotionally and physically. If you know him well enough, you’ll know what he likes, and what he doesn’t.
Chicken and waffles Steak Reuben sandwich Biscuits and gravy Lasagna Pizza
If your guy isn’t a gamer, pick something that the loves and do it together. He’s obsessed with horror flicks, or baseball games? Sit through one and daydream. It’ll mean a lot to him.
