For example: “I can’t be at your beck and call 24/7. When I tell you I’m busy, you have to accept that. You can’t just show up at my house or yell at me until I cave. ” Enforce your boundaries when necessary: “I told you I had to study tonight. No, you can’t come over. Even if you get upset, I’m putting my schoolwork first. ” If necessary, set boundaries for yourself, too. Remember that a narcissist will continue to take and take any chance they get.
Even if they’re clearly being hypocritical or judgmental, avoid defensive responses. If possible, wear a blank expression on your face. If the narcissist doubles down to create more drama, simply hold their eye contact, go about your business, and pretend like what they’re saying is normal. This will frustrate any narcissist. No reaction? Suddenly, they’ll feel totally powerless. And with that, it’ll be checkmate!
When possible, turn the conversation’s focus back onto them. Because they have an inflated sense of self, this probably won’t be hard to do. This is especially important when you’re upset. Avoid talking down to them and making generalizations about them. Don’t let your feelings get the best of you. [4] X Research source With less material for the narcissist to dredge up, they’ll feel helpless when trying to manipulate you. This is how you’ll checkmate a narcissist.
“I’m sorry that you feel that way. ” “I have no right to control how you see me. ” “All I can do is accept how you feel. ” “Your anger is not my responsibility. ”
To help with this, reflect on how this person treats other people. Do you respect or admire the way they act towards friends and family? By seeing this person realistically, you’re taking away their influence over you. If you know their words are empty, then those words can’t hurt you. That’s how you beat a narcissist at their own game.
If a narcissist is clearly showcasing their talents to get your praise, change the subject: “Yeah, that’s cool. I’ve gotta run, sorry. I’m late!” Withholding validation helps you take back your power. Not only does it leave the narcissist frustrated, but it also helps you set an important personal boundary.
Even if you don’t feel confident, you can still appear that way. Hold eye contact, stand with great posture, smile often, avoid fidgeting, and speak clearly. Try to surround yourself with people who make you feel great. Look out for friends who hype you up and at the same time, make you feel super comfortable. When a narcissist sees you working the room, you’ll gain power over them. You have something they desperately crave, and you got it through positivity and kindness (not lies and manipulation).
Ask them for advice. Explain that you really value their opinion. Then, make sure they know that you’ve done what they suggested. Team up on a project, task, or even a group game together. By aligning your interests, you’re becoming less of a threat to them. Make casual comments about how you two are in things together: “I feel like we’re a dynamic duo. I really couldn’t have done this without you!” Note that this tactic involves fluffing their ego. So it won’t make sense to use this along with another tip that involves withholding praise.
Reflect on your personal strengths and weaknesses. Starting a daily journal can help you deep-dive into self-exploration topics. Surround yourself with genuine, affirming people. It’s also helpful to spend time with friends who don’t know the narcissist in your life. Having separate relationships is crucial to cementing your identity without the narcissist. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source The more outside perspective and internal strength you find, the less power this narcissist will have on you. Pretty soon, their insults will be just a slight annoyance. With that, you’ll have them beat.
You’ll probably find it helpful to avoid all exposure to the narcissist. So, block them across your social media platforms and delete their number. If this is someone you have to stay in touch with, choose an impersonal form of communication, like email. If you think you may have trouble keeping your no-contact rule, write down all of the reasons you stepped away from the relationship. Then, when you feel tempted, you can remind yourself of why you left. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Reach out to a mental health professional for help processing your experience. Get back in touch with your passions, hobbies, and values. Focus on self-care. Try meditation, yoga, and other forms of exercise.
