Calls less frequently Seems distracted when you’re together Dresses differently Cancels your plans regularly Lies to you about where she’s going
Lots of texting could be a sign of a roving eye, or just that she’s texting her mom. Try to remember who she talks to is her business. If you have to, say something like, “I was hoping we could spend some time together now, not with our phones, unless there’s some emergency. That ok? Is everything ok?” Don’t try to crack past her phone password and start digging around in her personal stuff. If you feel the need to spy on your partner, your relationship is already in bad shape, and you should end it.
You’ve noticed she’s posting a lot of comments on a male coworker’s pictures? Don’t freak out. She can post whatever she wants, on whoever’s board she wants to post on. That doesn’t mean she’s cheating, but it does mean she might be losing some interest or engagement in your relationship. Never, under any circumstances, should you try to log into your girlfriend’s email, Facebook page, or other password-secured information. Breaching trust because you’re suspicious means you’re in a bad relationship.
If you have plans together, and your girlfriend cancels or changes them abruptly, that might be a sign of something going on. If your girlfriend starts hanging out especially late with people she doesn’t usually hang out with, you might want to talk about it.
Don’t come in with accusations, come in with upset questions. Tell her friends that you’ve noticed that she’s seemed really distant lately, and you’re not sure why. Ask them if they know anything that could help you fix the relationship. If they say no, that doesn’t mean they’re “in on it. " It might just mean that your girlfriend is not cheating. Try to relax.
If you have to look, do it “accidentally. " When her phone’s out, glance at it when a message comes in to see who it’s from out of the corner of your eye. If there is a long string of texts from someone suspicious, you might have a good reason to talk. You’ll break someone’s trust entirely if you pick up their cellphone and start scrolling through the message history. And if you find nothing, you’ll be the jerk.
Have a good reason for popping in. Bring carry-out at lunch time if you usually grab lunch near your job or school. Or show up early when you’re coming home, just for a surprise. [4] X Research source If you don’t live together, don’t just show up at someone’s door when you’re not supposed to be there. That might come off creepier than anything else. It’s important to know that catching your girlfriend in the act can be pretty traumatic. It’s usually better to talk about it before you resort to Jerry Springer tactics.
Don’t obsess. If you’re thinking about placing pinhole cameras in places you think she is cheating on you or are contemplating closed-circuit television, you need to end this relationship now and find a healthier one.
If you were just suffering a bout of paranoia that turned out to be false, talk it out with your girlfriend and come clean. Apologize. Talk about your relationship in an open, honest, and trusting way. Work on building back the trust you might have lost. [6] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. If your girlfriend was cheating, ask her what she wants to do, and try to decide whether or not an infidelity means the end of your relationship for you. If it’s over for her, it’s over regardless. If she wants to work it out, you’ve got to decide whether or not it’s worth it.
Leave the scene, if necessary. If you catch your girlfriend cheating, just walk away. If you find some kind of evidence, walk away. Call a friend, or a family member, and talk it out. The last thing you ever want to do is lash out violently or irrationally. Be the bigger person in this relationship. Stay calm and decide what you want to do.
Ask your girlfriend big questions. What do you want from this relationship? What are you not getting from this relationship? What might I be able to change to make it work better? Try to be as specific as possible. You don’t need the answer to a question like, “Why did you cheat on me?” or “What did you do with him?” Focus on things that matter for going forward, not looking back.
If she’s already given up on the relationship, there’s little point in bearing your soul to someone who doesn’t care. Walk out on her. The relationship is over, if one party has given up on it. If she wants to work it out, then you can talk about how you feel and decide whether or not you want to. Try to think about whether you’ll be able to forgive an infidelity, or the trust barrier is broken beyond repair. If your suspicions were wrong, but you’re having serious relationship problems, it’s still important to have this talk.
Don’t assume that you know why your girlfriend may or may not have cheated. Don’t accuse or attempt to lecture your girlfriend in any way. Hear her out. If necessary, you can try some kind of conversational game. Set a timer on it and promise that you’ll each get to express yourself, judgment free, for 15 minutes, without the other person interrupting. Stick to it.
Talk to a trusted friend about how you’re feeling first. Getting some perspective on what happened can be hard by yourself. Talk about what happened, sparing any graphic details, and get some extra input. Many people find it difficult, if not impossible, to get past an episode of cheating. If you feel like you can’t stand the thought of being with someone who has cheated on you, then don’t. Break up.
